Just a Reminder..."Tell Her you Love Her"

Life is fleeting, blink and you might miss it. Seriously. I have been backhanded with the brevity of human life more times than I would like to think of. Witnessing death and having such a close, personal relationship with it has given me what is either a very practical, or a very skewed perception of reality. Because I have lost so many people who were so integral to my life and to my direct happiness, (sometimes I have even watched as they gasped their last breaths, or been there soon after), I feel this sense of urgency with those I have left around me. I feel this nagging urge inside me to love everyone with every ounce of being I have and make damn sure they know how I feel. I leave nothing to chance or happenstance that is important to me, I wear my heart on my sleeve and so much so that it is usually bleeding and throbbing with the love I have for my friends and family. Full disclosure, this is how I have lived my life for 23 years and it has not always been the greatest of decisions. But dammit if people don't know exactly how I feel about them when I'm overcome with some sort of emotion towards them, be it positive or negative. (It is usually positive seeing how it is nearly impossible for me to truly dislike another human being.) I am loyal to a fault and sensitive as all get out. Witnessing death several times, in both the old, and the far too precious and young, all the while living my life with a disease I do not entirely comprehend or appreciate, has been emotionally exhausting and downright confusing. I want to live life full throttle and not be afraid of tomorrow because I truly know that it may not come. Every night when I lay my head on the pillow, I am fully aware that it may be the last. I am not trying to be morbid or scare you, it is unfortunately just the truth which I learned over three years ago in October. Nothing makes sense and if you stop to think about it, you will only get depressed and wonder why the hell we even bother. I know because I have been there. Well, let me tell you what I have learned: Your focus should not be on punching a time card, or cashing a paycheck. Do not get lost in the illusion of the size of the rock on your finger, but instead be concerned with the depth of the love in your heart. If you love someone, be it a friend, a family member, or your grocery cashier, please tell them. Don't live your life in a cloud of "what-if's?". I may not always make the right decisions and I would be lying if I said I have no regrets, but if I love you, you know it. You probably are reminded by this fact so damn much it annoys you. If I have "tagged" you in this note, it is just another reminder of how important you are to me, whether we talk every day or hardly at all. Sometimes people do not actually die to cause them to leave a void in your life, but merely your relationship with them does. Perhaps they move half way across the world, or they broke your heart, or you simply got too busy to keep in touch with them; well, it is never too late to revive that relationship and make sure they know how much you love them and how often you think of them. You might wonder what has got my mind reeling tonight and compelled me to write this? Well, I learned some terrible news that an old family friend is very sick and it was just another reminder to me to count my lucky stars. Each morning that you open your eyes, it is a gift and an opportunity for adventure, love and change. I am currently in the process of making monumental changes in my life, though slowly, and I doubt I would have the courage to do so without the love and support I have in you all. Live your life with open eyes and an open heart and truly listen to what the people around you have to say. They may not be there tomorrow and they may have had the key to unlock some mystery in your own life. The optimist in me tells me that there must be a reason for everything, otherwise some really terrible things have happened and lives have been lost for nothing. Though I usually don't understand the reasoning, I try to gain comfort and find the silver lining even in the blackest and heaviest of clouds. I may sound like a pessimist at times, but really I will be your brightest beam of sunshine when you need me. Death is only the opposite of life, a necessary force in the universe which brings balance to the cycle. We do not have to embrace it, but be as ready for it as we possibly can. Now, I'm not saying I'm going anywhere anytime soon if I have anything to say in the matter, but I just want to make sure I don't have unattended-to items on my bucket list, should I by chance kick the proverbial bucket earlier than expected. All we have of value in this world are our relationships with each other. Start to live your life with this understanding and all the trivial matters will float past you on the breeze...