Something To Look Forward To

Well, Coachella is fast-approaching and anyone in Southern California who is even the least bit musically-aware should be making plans to be there. The lineup is stellar to say the least with Muse, Gorillaz and Jay Z set to headline and some of the "smaller name" bands that you might not be familiar with like Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Passion Pit, and the XX are just a few of the many which have my brain exploding with boner-esque excitement. As a "Coachella Noob", I feel like a kid who can't sleep the night before their first Disneyland trip. The only difference is that my "trip" will not involve a car-ride to the Magical Kingdom and I anticipate it will not be any less magical than Mickey's performance was in "Fantasia" either. I plan to see marching brooms and walls of cascading water, whether they are actually there or not. (Hrmm, was Mickey on hallucinogenics that day? Ooof, don't get me started on a Disney tangent or I will never stop. Just ask about my Mickey tattoo behind my ear. That's right. So, don't challenge me to "Disney Scene It" because I DO know the names of the three fairies in Sleeping Beauty. Do you?) Any-who...I am the type of paranoid, obsessive compulsive person who lives their life from one to-do list to the next. So, why should Coachella be any different? As I began to draft the list of hopes and dreams I plan to fulfill this year at Coachella, my toes began to tingle with excitement... although that may have been induced by the vicodin I popped before crawling into bed. I work at the San Diego radio station, 91X, and will be attending the festivities as a sort of field research project during which I plan to leave no stone (nor stoner) unturned. I will be very critical in my examination of the three-day music fest and take in all that is has to offer; I am going to party like it's 1969. I bring with me to Coachella three things: my thirst for adventure, my over-zealous curiosity, and the following to-do list...

1. Meet Beyonce. I know you're thinking "What the eff is this girl talking about?" Well, allow me to explain. Jay Z is performing. I work for the previously-mentioned 91X who will be interviewing as many of the performers as possible. Jay Z's wifey and juicy-bootied arm candy is, of course, Beyonce. So, it is only logical for me to assume she will accompany him to the 91X condo for said interview, right? I think she and I will become fast friends and I can show her a dance move or two.

2. Ingest anything and everything possible to alter my mental, physical and spiritual states without killing myself. I talk big game, but realistically this will probably just mean I will drink a lot more beer than my sad liver allows and be sloppy. Just let me have my wet dreams about being a flower child hippy in the psychedelic '60s, ok? Peace and love, baby. Peace and love.

3. Make Zooey Deschanel develop as big of a girl crush on me as I have on her. Please spare me the lesbian jokes, folks. That was just a phase and it's over now, but my love for Zooey remains and I think, nay, I know, she WILL love me too.

4. Avoid getting skin cancer in the hot desert sun.... or any kind of cancer, actually. I also hope to avoid herpes, syphilis, and diarrhea. Come to think of it... I hope to avoid all diseases of any kind of transmission, sexual or otherwise. We will be in the middle of the desert in a hot bed of drugs, alcohol, sex and rock and roll. Maybe this is a good occasion to invest in a full-body condom? On a side note, I also hope to avoid all H

ot Tub Time Machines. My brain will already feel like its time-warping, I don't need my body to follow suit.

5. Return home with my dignity. Or at least don't remember how undignified my weekend actually was when Monday morning rolls around. Changing my clothes each day and brushing my teeth

will at least camouflage the "shit-show" that will be occurring internally and externally. I'm hoping both of those two activities will not be forgotten in the heat of the moment of my Coachella weekend. There will be debauchery, that I cannot and will not deny and I encourage all necessary forms of documentation of the aforementioned "shit-show"... it's all in the name of good, old-fashined scientific research right? How else will I compose next year's to-do list?